It'd been awhile since I last had an emotional breakdown. In fact I couldn't tell you the last time I had one before this latest incident. In the beginning these we're as common as breathing but now I can go long stretches in between meltdowns before it hits me again. A few days ago, it hit. Out of no where as they usually do sneak up for a nasty stealth attack. I had been studying and had to use the restroom. As I walked in the restroom, I hadn't even turned on the light yet, I fell to my knees. And there I sat in the middle of our bathroom floor weeping so violently I thought I might get sick. I'm not even sure what brought it on. Grief is such a slippery little devil that sometimes it's just like that. But I do remember having one clear thought at the end of that crying spell. I thought to myself, "So after all this time, you're still here. You haven't made a damn bit of progress, have you?" And then as if I'd been hit by bulldozer, it occurred to me, yes I have! I am so beyond different and progressed emotionally now than ever before! I remembered how all I did initially was lie in bed all day, sleep and cry and if I had the strength to make it to the couch that was a good day back then. And just look at me now! I am so busy living my life that I'm lucky if I get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep! If that isn't progress I don't know what is! I think now, that I'm lucky that this little breakdown didn't happen sooner and in a more public setting. I now think that I need to set a little time apart from my busy life just to feel. Even if it's just to feel the numbness or even dare I dream to say happiness? Lesson Learned!
Also, I wanted to take a minute and say a BIG CONGRATS to Holly on the safe arrival of her rainbow! I don't think I could ever find the right words to anyone outside of the BLM's club to convey that how special these events are! How hopeful and happy my heart feels when I see this!
Last night as I checked my email I had one from Tina, letting me know that I had won her Giveaway! Thank you Tina! I cant wait to pick something out! If you don't know Tina, I strongly suggest you check out her etsy store, Mama Mia Handstamped Jewelry, she has beautiful stuff! I'm so excited!
For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Posted by The Blue Sparrow at 1:42 PM