Monday, March 8, 2010

Life's Just Not Fair

The last few days I've been thinking about all these FB status updates I keep seeing from new/pregnant mommies all about how being pregnant sucks or how their babies kept them up all night. And each comment all I could think was, "Don't you know how lucky you are" and "You should be grateful that you're child's alive and here to keep you up all night!" And on a few particularly whiny posts I even started to leave comments to these effects, but I quickly deleted them before sharing them.

I just realized that no matter how mad or disgusted these comments make me feel, it has nothing to do with them. It's not fair of me to say these things to them. It's not them that I'm mad at. Its me for thinking these things. Who do I think I am? I mean really. That is their reality not mine. The things they're saying are normal. That's the way it's suppose to be, not the other way around. They are entitled to these posts and that innocence. They don't know what they're saying hurts me and they're most defiantly not trying to do so. They have no idea what its like to be on the outside looking in. To have held your deceased child and watch as others take theirs for granted. They don't know. But I do.

So I sit here feeling convicted and pitying myself for having these unfair thoughts. I hate that I've even had these feelings. Its not fair to them and its not fair to me. If this life was fair, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this. I'd be sitting in Bryston's room rocking him to sleep. There would be no reason to even have these feelings and I'd probably be updating status's like these myself. We all would be.

I just wonder now, how many times am I going to learn these lessons over and over in life? I've been told that life's not fair a billion times in my 27 years but today, today it really sank in. Not one day on this Earth will life be fair. Life only becomes fair in the afterlife. Heaven is perfect and until that day, life is simply imperfect. So I guess, I'm just here, waiting for that day.

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.


Karin said...

I know what you mean about the Facebook posts. There was a streak last fall (when I was pregnant with baby number two, only to end in miscarriage number two), when someone announced a new pregnancy every day for a week. And several of them are second babies and I don't have any on this earth.

Now, as they're still expecting their babies, and I'm not, I find myself jealous that I'm not having the same milestones. And I don't like feeling that that way. I've actually started hiding some of them from my newsfeed so I don't have to have it in front of me. Like you said, they are entitled to sharing what's going on in their lives; I'll just choose to edit what I read.

With Out My Punkin said...

((hugs)) I understand! I have hidden those people so I don't have to read their bitching and moaning. It sucks, I wish there was something to make it better...

Danielle said...

I HATE all the comments people leave about being sick of being pregnant (even after losing a baby), how their kids drive them crazy, and so on... I guess you don't realize how blessed you are until one of those blessings is taken from your life. The world is full of missed memories instead of moments you wish would hurry by.

I'm not innocent when it comes to taking my kids for granted sometimes, but I catch myself and think "I'd give anything if I could be upset that Wyatt just colored my new sheets with a permanent marker", or "I guess since they already ate the entire pack of cookies, I'll just snap a picture to remember this moment. What I wouldn't give to have Wyatt's cookie covered face in this picture"... I find when I get upset at the kids behavior there is a voice that intervenes (most of the time) that says "You are so blessed to have these little people in your life... Is what your upset about REALLY that big of a deal?".

Views definitely change when your looking at life from the sideline of parents who have had to watch a child or children die. As much as it is unfair, at least we know to cherish memories that others let slip away so flippantly... at least that's what I'm trying to convince myself of at the moment.

I hope you start to feel better. I'm here if you need to talk. (((Hugs)))


Jen said...

I have so many people hidden its really ridiculous..and all sorts around me are pregnant too.. my brother and my brotherNlaw and their wives are pregnant..within a month of each other.. it is sooo incredibly hard.. I am doing my best to avoid them, discussions about them.. eventually it will get easier..((HUGS))

Jill said...

I have had so many of those thoughts! I realize that it isn't them because I probably would have been one of them. That thought still doesn't always help though. Sending you love!!

Just Breathe said...

Being someone on the outside looking in this is where I get mad.
Mad that most people don't know the statistics and the number of babies who die each year. I can see why it angers you and it should. Maybe you should leave a comment.

Brie said...

There you go again, taking the thoughts right out of my head..i have had that same conversation with myself many many times during this rollercoaster ride.

DeniFay said...

I agree that you took the thoughts right out of my head. And I'll admit that a time or two, I've made the comment that they should appreciate what they have. I think that sometimes people don't realize just what they are taking for granted and they are looking at the worst of it and missing the best of it! I don't say stuff often, but every once in a while I do, I just can't help it. But there are quite a few people I've hidden b/c I just can't see it every day, day in and day out!

You are so strong and graceful to say that it's our feelings and they are intitled to theirs, that we would be saying and feeling the same things if we weren't in this position, thanks for making that observation and putting it into perspective for me! What a blessing you are to all of us!

Dana said...

I totally understand. Sometimes I just want to choke my boss when he stands at my desk (with the picture of my dead baby girl) and complains about how hard it is to live with FIVE children under the age of 10 at home. I want to warn the girl who has told me that she won't be working here this time next year because she and her husband are going to start trying in May.

We embody everyone's worst fears. We are living (barely) proof that pregnancy is not all pink and blue and babies, but I have to remind myself that it is their job to be naive and happy and that it is NOT my job to bust their bubble just because mine has exploded. I have to remind myself that if things had been different, I would still be naive and stupid too.

Someday, this road will be less rocky and there won't be so many potholes to fall into, I hope.


Ebe said...

This is one of those things I constantly have to be reminded of. It's not an easy thing to wrap your head around. I'm thankful for the days when fair or unfair, I rest in Jesus because he's all I have.

love and prayers,

Andrea said...


It just seems to all come at once doesn't it. Too much! I agree, people seem ungrateful for what they have...BUT they have not lost, as that is the difference. We who have lost, love more, feel more and are grateful.

Keep allowing HIM to direct your steps, as he will pave the way to success :)


Shandrea said...

I so know what you mean about the facebook posts. Sometimes i think that i must like the torture, b/c i know what will probably be there when i log on, but yet i do it anyway and i have the same thoughts you've had. But as you said, life isn't fair and no one ever said it would be. We must continue to lean on god and trust that though it may not be fair, things will get better.