The last few days I've been thinking about all these FB status updates I keep seeing from new/pregnant mommies all about how being pregnant sucks or how their babies kept them up all night. And each comment all I could think was, "Don't you know how lucky you are" and "You should be grateful that you're child's alive and here to keep you up all night!" And on a few particularly whiny posts I even started to leave comments to these effects, but I quickly deleted them before sharing them.
I just realized that no matter how mad or disgusted these comments make me feel, it has nothing to do with them. It's not fair of me to say these things to them. It's not them that I'm mad at. Its me for thinking these things. Who do I think I am? I mean really. That is their reality not mine. The things they're saying are normal. That's the way it's suppose to be, not the other way around. They are entitled to these posts and that innocence. They don't know what they're saying hurts me and they're most defiantly not trying to do so. They have no idea what its like to be on the outside looking in. To have held your deceased child and watch as others take theirs for granted. They don't know. But I do.
So I sit here feeling convicted and pitying myself for having these unfair thoughts. I hate that I've even had these feelings. Its not fair to them and its not fair to me. If this life was fair, I wouldn't be sitting here typing this. I'd be sitting in Bryston's room rocking him to sleep. There would be no reason to even have these feelings and I'd probably be updating status's like these myself. We all would be.
I just wonder now, how many times am I going to learn these lessons over and over in life? I've been told that life's not fair a billion times in my 27 years but today, today it really sank in. Not one day on this Earth will life be fair. Life only becomes fair in the afterlife. Heaven is perfect and until that day, life is simply imperfect. So I guess, I'm just here, waiting for that day.
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Posted by The Blue Sparrow at 12:44 PM