Tuesday, March 2, 2010

AH-HA!



Have you had one of those Ah-ha moments in life when everything just seems to click and you just seem to get it? Well I had one of those moments today. I was sitting on my porch reading and all of a sudden a thought popped into my head. Its not like its a new revelation or anything. I've heard this before, but it just all of a sudden made complete sense and I got it in a way I've never gotten it before.

How could I have even for one minute let the loss of my babies separate me from God? He of all people gets it. He's been in my shoes. He lost his son too! He gets it. Of coarse He is mourning with me, not only for me, but for his own lost child and children. Bryston and Peanut were not just my children, they were children of God first!

Ever since July, I have been struggling with this separation that I've felt between God and myself. Don't get me wrong, my faith is strong, but it was just different somehow. Lately when I pray, its more about others. I don't talk to Him the way I use to or rely on Him as much as I had before. And now I know why. I think that I have been wrongly putting space between us because on some level I still blame Him a bit, even though I know that's ridiculous on all levels but I still felt it all the same.

And as if to prove this point, as I kept reading the story began to reiterate this theme. It was like God was highlighting the words in neon yellow before my eyes. Parents who have survived their children understand God in a way that someone who hasn't can never understand God. I should be leaning more on God because He truly gets it. He knows my loss and feels it himself. Duh! How did I miss that?

AH-HA! Light bulb On High Beam! I get it!

I just love it when God intervenes in life this way. It's always been one of my favorite things about Him. That just when you least expect it, there He is. It's like needing to hear a specific song in your car and the first station you turn to, its just starting so you don't miss a bit of it. I love that. That's what it was like today. An old favorite songs that I've heard a million times before but this time, I noticed that the lyrics didn't mean quite what I thought they did. So basically, today I got a great big hug from ABBA himself!






18 comments:

Marie W said...

I wish there was a "like" button for blog posts. Great post!

Tiffany said...

Sounds like Mack in the book The Shack. Is that what you are reading?

Andrea said...

I love the rush I get when I experience an A HA Moment :) Its and endorphine rush of positivity, FAITH and HOPE like no other.

Yes, he knows your pain.

HUGS

The Blue Sparrow said...

I was reading Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult, I love love love her books!

Franchesca Cox said...

Oh Jennifer, it IS wonderful when we get one of those hugs from God himself. How amazing that he showed you this. It's so special when we think about it, He takes the time to speak those small things (huge to us) to our hearts.

xx

DeniFay said...

It's so fun to read things like this. That people can shine in the light of their pain and see God through it and IN it! I feel like I had this exact Ah Hah!!! moment months back, and I understand all of what you said. Happy for your moment sweet friend!!

Shandrea said...

I don't get them often but when i do get them,it is a wonderful feeling. sending you lots of hugs and love

Brandi said...

This made me smile. Yay for light bulb moments. :)

Ebe said...

Thank you for sharing this. It sounds like exactly what you needed to be hear. I remember the first time I felt this way...a-ha! God DOES understand and he grieves too! It is a closeness with our Father that most people don't understand.

love,
ebe

Jenn said...

I remember having this same aha moment. It does matter to Him. It says in the Bible that God collects our tears. I love that image of Him caring so much that He keeps our sorrow.

wife.mom.nurse said...

I think of you so often friend...

How wonderful that you are feeling God's presence stronger.

He is always there. I think of footprints in the sand (some think it's corny) but, He truly does carry us through intense pain.

Thank You God!

Lisette said...

I am happy to hear of your moment. I totally relate to you in the sense of somewhat distancing yourself from God in a way. I think that is normal. I often felt that way too. Take care, sending you a big giant ((hug)).

klarsen said...

I LOVE those moments. The moments when you just KNOW He is reaching out to you and telling you something. You have NO choice but to know He is there. HUGS xxx

Stephanie said...

I totally Understand this!!!! It is the only thing that gets me through each day. For me, God is wrapping my in his arms every day, because it is all I can manage to pray for.

The most powerful thing anyone has said to me though this waiting for Amelia, is essentialy what you have expressed so vividly ~ God is crying with me, holding me tight, feeling my grief (because HE GETS IT)!

Stephanie
www.carriedthroughgrief.blogspot.com

andthroughthestorm said...

Spot on, absolutely. Thank you for sharing. Mrs ATTS

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

So glad God is speaking to you and you are listening. You are moving forward and that is a good thing. I pray that God continues to pour his comfort and love to you each day.

Mary said...

I had that moment too and since then it has been more bearable to go thru this. I know he knows.

Holly said...

It helps me to know that God knows exactly what I'm going through b/c He's beeen there too.