Wednesday, January 20, 2010

01/21/10



I just realized that tomorrow is one year to the day that we conceived Bryston. Geeze, I cant believe it's been that long already. I don't know where the time has gone. Its just disappeared like it never even happened. It will also be the one month mark since we lost our sweet peanut. The time may have disappeared like it never happened but the evidence is all around me. Its still hard to believe sometimes. That this is really where my life has gone. I'm a mother or two precious angels, their existences are etched on my heart. I am still caught off guard sometimes with sorrow but I am finding that everyday is a new day. I'm able to get out of bed in the mornings now and my first thought is no longer about my babies, but they are a close second. I never know how my emotions will unfold or what will bother me or not bother me. I still have trouble looking people in the eyes when they ask if I have any children because I don't want them to see my tears. But then other days I am able to discuss them without breaking down. I still have to remind myself that I AM a mom. That I deserve that title. Even if my children aren't here on this earth, I still breathed life into them in my womb. Some days thats harder to believe than others.

I recieved a new addition to Bryston's name gallery the other day from Lisa, Jasper's sweet mommy. She did a great job, I love them! Thank you Lisa!



You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

10 comments:

Seraphim said...

I always think of you as a mother. And hugs xxxx

Franchesca Cox said...

It's crazy how some days are just easier than others, thank God for those days :) And yes, you are absolutely a Mom!

XO

DeniFay said...

I think that question is the hardest to me too because, like you, I AM a mom, but those who haven't experienced this don't see it the same way. The time does pass & the days get a little easier, but our angels re always there in our hearts! Sending you love and prayers!!

Shandrea said...

I am just sending you some big warm fuzzy hugs and all the love you can hold tomorrow and the days after that. Yes the how many kids question is also the hardest for me to answer too, i sometimes take like 2 minutes after they ask to answer,i get stuck with trying to figure out how to explain withough getting akward silence at the end , but i've made it my vow that from now on whenever asked i will answer and that will be that. but enought babble from me, LOTS of LOVE and HUGE HUGS to you:)

Bree said...

Lisa did a great job with the photos. So beautiful!

I made a butterfly for your peanut. :) I wasn't sure what you were calling him. I'll post it today.

I think of you often. I'm sending you love, prayers, and good energy.

Jill said...

You are absolutely a mom and deserve that title!

Beautiful pictures to add to Bryston's name gallery.

Ebe said...

Remembering Bryston today. You are most definitely a mom.

Hugs to you..

Bree said...

Butterfly is up. Next to Bryston's. xoxo

Holly said...

Yes, you are a mommy! Lisa did a wonderful job!!

Andrea said...

Jenny,

You will forever be a Mommy, FOREVER :)

Like you, I'm moving forward, one day at a time, little steps. I still have blue moments, but they are now just moments and not days and weeks. I'm so grateful to be healing and finding HOPE again.

Remembering sweet Bryston with you.

Hugs and Much love,
Andrea