How many times as MOV's have we heard the statement, God doesn't give you more than you can handle? Or that it's God's plan and God's plan is perfect? I don't know about you, but I've had my fill with statements like these. They imply that God was somehow responsible for taking Bryston away. That he planned this from the get go. Or at best they suggest that others of us are more equipped to deal with the loss of a child than others. I don't buy any of that. No one is prepared for the day that their child dies. And how would one even begin to do so?
While yes, I do believe that God's plan is perfect, I in no way shape or form think that God included my son's dying as a part of his plan. I do, however, believe with every fiber of my soul that God will use Bryston's passing for good in some way. I don't see that now, but I think I'm a little to close to this in this moment to not be blinded by any positive spin on his departure. Maybe one day I will. I hope and pray that one day I might.
At this point in my new journey I despise all these old wives saying. Like God giveth and God taketh away. Again this implies that God is the one taking. He is not. We live in a fallen and broken world full of sickness and evil that God never intended for us. God intended a perfect existence for us in the Garden of Eden. But we as imperfect humans chose our own Independence even then and ate the fruit of evil. That is what I believe took my son away from me. My human imperfections and the worlds imperfections and evils.
What Ive come to find is that that lovely little saying about God not giving us more that we can bear isn't even in the bible. What the Bible does say in I Corinthians 10:13 is this, No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Being tempted is a far different thing that enduring the loss of a child I would say.
I am guilty of saying these exact things to grieving people before I had been in their shoes. I had no idea what I was even saying. Looking back, I'm sure that I have said my fair share of these very statements to people that I now shudder when I hear them. You really cant know until you've walked a mile in their shoes. I keep trying to take these damn shoes off! I dont want to know anymore! Its like Ive slipped on someone else's 2 sizes to small shoes and they're just stuck. I know Ive posted that poem before but it just keeps rumbling around in my head. Its so true.
Have I stopped trusting God or lost my faith trough all of this. No, not at all. In the early days my faith was shaken, yes, but never lost. I still have days that I'm angry that he didn't stop this but I have to rely on the promise that he has given me. To be with me through the storm and to be my comforter. When I have those days I have to remind myself that I am still a work in progress and I lean on these promises;
Be content with what you have, for God has said, "Never
will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So say with
confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid."
- Hebrews 13:5,6
Come unto me, ye who are weary and overburdened, and I
will give you rest.
- - Matthew 11:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of
those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
- Romans 8:28
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Posted by The Blue Sparrow at 8:48 PM