Sunday, April 10, 2011

Sigh's...And more Sigh's

I absolutely love facebook, I do. But sometimes it makes me just want to scream, it's not fair! I think every one and their brother has posted pictures of their babies and kids today. Sigh....

Logging in some days it feels like facebook is just rubbing it in my face. I should be posting pictures and reading all the Aww, how cute, and what a doll comments. The universe really sucks sometimes! I hate how I feel when I see a precious baby. Instead of thinking what a cutie they are I instead am reminded of what I'm missing. My family minus two. Big Sigh........

I wish....well you all know what I wish. I guess it's just one of those nights. It's been awhile so I guess I'm due but I swear I'll never get use to how unpredictable grief is. It still sneaks up on me out of the blue and it still has the power to knock me on my butt.

I tell God over and over, "Okay, I'm giving this to you, it's too big for me to handle," and yet I still can't seem to really hand it over. What is my problem? It's not like I want to be up all night crying and reliving it all so why can't I just let Him do what he does best, comfort? EXTREME SIGH.........

I just need to lean on this verse tonight:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:28



In the Grip of His Grace,

13 comments:

Caroline said...

{{{HUGS}}} keeping you in my prayers.

JenJen said...

Yeah, I'm taking a fb vacation, right now! It's just too much sometimes...

Sending you love and huge ((hugs))

Melissa said...

There is nothing easy about this "grief journey" we are on. I also get frustrated when I can't get super excited about about others pregnancy or cute new baby...it's not that I don't "want" to be happy for them!!!
It should be easy to hand it all over to God, but sometimes it isn't. :(
Love the verse....clinging with ya!

Lisette said...

I know it is hard, always thinking of you ((HUGS)).

Mary said...

Oh Jen I wish there was a way that your little ones were here with you. I too felt so ashamed when I used to look at children and would automatically my pain and longing instead of appreciating the beauty of the child before me. I still sometimes feel that way.

Deni said...

Hate when that grief sneaks up and knocks you out cold! It's so hard! Sending you lots of love and prayers for a better day! :)

Jill said...

HUGE hugs!!!!!

Shandrea said...

I know exactly what you mean. I feel that way about fb too. Sending you Big Hugs and lots of Love.

Melissa said...

http://www.agreatimpression.com/item_209/His-Eye-Is-On-The-Sparrow-Christian-Biblical-Vinyl-Wall-Decal.htm

saw this today and thought of you...

Ebe said...

BIg hugs, friend. I'm sorry.

I actually have to be very careful on fb too. One of my friends is naming her son Owen and it's really really hard. Very hard. SIGH

I'm sorry. Things, life, is just more complicated for us now. And some days it sucks a lot.

love,
ebe

Holly said...

Sometimes it's hard to hand everything completely over. Most people want to have control over things, including myself. One day at a time is all you can do!

Jody said...

I was considering writing a blog post along the same lines today!
I feel bad that I'm just not content having Jake when there are people like you who still don't have any.
But really, the truth is this- all of us should have the choice of whether or not we have kids, and how many we want or don't want. And for those of us who don't get that choice, it truly SUCKS. It hurts to see everyone getting their rainbow babies, it hurts to see my family/friends having as many babies as they want. And it REALLY hurts when they get pregnant and didn't even really want to be pregnant.
There is no rhyme or reason. We got to keep hanging in there although for me, well I turn 40 in June. My chances are about over for biological kids. I keep telling myself that there is still HOPE. For now, we keep on living, keep on supporting each other in our suffering. Love you!

Sheryl said...

grief comes in ways and at the most unexpected times. it literally takes your breath away and can often be paralyzing. many times i have said to God "if you are really there, could i just get some relief"

i KNOW He is there but sometimes it doesn't "feel" like. keep walking out this journey, leaning into God, reaching out others and continue to be vulnerable here.

you are loved!!