Tuesday, March 23, 2010

To Write of Not to Write?



Have you ever done something that you werent sure was the right thing to do? I'm sure I know the answer to that, because lets face it, who hasn't? Do you remember the post I published about the fb status updates and how I realized that I have no right to burst these mommies innocent bubbles? Well I came across something today and realized that I already had done that maybe unfairly to a woman in September.

Ty and I have been remodeling our basement since last May, I know, I know that's almost a year later and it's still not finished, your preaching to the choir, LOL! Well anyways, because our washer and dryer hookup is in the basement I've been going to our local Laundromat to do our washing. (An entirely different post in itself because these places are disgusting!)

Anyways, this past September as I was doing our laundry, in walked a woman and her son. I sat reading my book while our clothing was drying and was pretty amused by her little boy. He was so full of energy and life! And adorable to boot. He was being a bit ornery running around the building being loud, but just being a kid. A normal healthy kid doing what bored kids do. He ran past me several times then stopped and asked, "Whats your name?" I told him and he abruptly took off running around the room again before stopping several times to tell me about his spider man toys at home and such. His mother busy doing laundry and using fowl language on her cell phone was getting irritated by her son and very loudly began screaming at this kid. She even at one point grabbed his arm, roughly, and pulled him into a seat. She was clearly annoyed and I was getting a little worried for the little man as she seemed a little to comfortable acting this way.

While I was folding my laundry I continued to listen to her badger this poor child and it was about all I could take to not say something. But I bit my tongue. Until I heard her whisper something to him and I could hear the menacing tone of her voice but not clearly the words and something snapped inside me. I had just lost my son and here she was treating hers like a total inconvenience at best. So I took a piece of paper out of my purse and I began to write her a letter. (I took a picture of it with my phone) Here is word for word what I wrote;

I am sorry to intrude, but I wanted to share something with you. This summer I lost my son. I would give anything to have him here with me running around and being ornery. I know that your probably a little tired and overworked, and I am not judging you in anyway. I just wanted to let you know how very very lucky you are to have your son here with you.

And then I handed the note to her son and told him to give it to his mommy and I walked out. I drove out of the parking lot bawling. Why had I done that? Was I right to say anything to her? I don't know now, but that day, I had never been more sure of anything in my life. She needed to know how lucky she was and how good she really has it. But how is this any different than the fb updates? Was I bursting or bubble or trying to save it?


I saw her a few months later in the Walmart parking lot with her adorable son. I probably wouldn't have noticed her or him, but how could I forget that voice again annoyed with her son yelling at him to stop messing around and get into the damn car! I guess my letter didn't have that much of an impact on her anyways. So was it even worth it? In this case I think I'm going to have to yes. Maybe one day she'll find that letter stuffed into her purse or coat jacket and be in the right frame of mind to actually care enough to see what I was trying to say.


“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Proverbs 31:8-9







18 comments:

DeniFay said...

Jennifer, I think you did the right thing for yourself at that time. I think every situation is different and every person reacts differently, but that scripture you quoted is true. We are to be advocates for those who cannot be such for themselves. And maybe the mom won't ever find that letter and be changed, but maybe one day that little boy will. You're a beautiful person and I know you're missing sweet Bryston and Peanut, sending you love!

Holly said...

I think it was a good thing that you wrote that letter. She doesn't realize how blessed she is but maybe one day she will.

Franchesca Cox said...

I am GLAD you gave her that letter. I hate seeing parents mistreat their kids they don't know what they have. They simply do not know. xo

Ashley D said...

That was a moving post and I think you did the right thing for you and maybe for her too one day when she re-reads it. some people are just plain stubborn.
Moving post and I really like it... you never know.. I'll end up doing the same thing one day.

Kelli with Love said...

I agree with everyone! You were right to give her that letter! I can't believe it didn't hit her hard! I hope you are right though, that she will find it sometime stuffed in her purse or something, and give it the thought it deserves. I just thanked God, today actually, that I have found these (baby loss) blogs because it has given me patience with my girls when I thought I couldn't take anymore! I feel like I struggle sometimes with patience, and you all have made such a HUGE difference in my life! I am SO glad you gave her that little note and SO glad that I have you girls to remind me everyday too. :o) Thank you for sharing your story with me. I appreciate it more than you know!

With Out My Punkin said...

I wish I would do that more often! Obviously you should have given her son a 2x4, but in that situation a piece of paper was all you had...

Jen said...

I absolutely boil when I see things like this..I think you did the right thing.. how will they know what they have until someone shows them what they can lose? I have hidden several women on facebook that complain about being tired, teething babies and toddlers..maybe instead of hide them I should say something.. good for you and thanks for sharing.

Andrea said...

Your heart spoke through that note and reached out to a woman who was in denial of "her very own miracle".

I pray for people like that, but most of all I pray for children who are given ill equiped parents. In this great country of ours we have to have a license for EVERYTHING, yet any idiot or fool can have a child. Sad, as I categorize this woman as both, idiot and fool. May God continue to hold this litte man in the palm of his hand and may he prosper and break free from the tainted environment in which he lives...I pray.

I pray for you too sweet friend...as people like you make a DIFFERENCE :)

Andrea

xoxo

Karin said...

It would have been much easier to simply walk away, but you didn't, and that takes courage. You spoke up for someone who couldn't stand up for himself. Maybe it didn't make a difference, maybe it does some days. Regardless, you didn't simply walk away.

Daddy's Dream ~Mommy's Miracle said...

You don't know how many times I just wanted to yell this out loud! (you gave me an idea for the next time!) God Bless

JenJen said...

Ugh, haven't we all seen a mom like that??? I know kids can be trying but come on!

I appreciate the courage that it took to tell someone to appreciate what they have...especially, someone taking that gift for granted. Hopefully, one day God will open her eyes to see her beautiful son for the gift that he is...

Ebe said...

I have so often felt this way. Sadly, I usually get an ugly look on my face and walk away. This actually just happened last weekend at the hospital. blah.

I think it was good to write what you did. It wasn't harsh or written out of malice. Maybe one day it will dawn on her that she's missing out on enjoying her child, on all that she has.

big hugs!
ebe

Nan & Mike said...

I think you did an awesome thing...I am in awe of your grace. It will definitely help me to know what I can do in a suttle way if I see that...hopefully not often, but Lord knows its out there. Hugs honey xxxo Nan

caitsmom said...

You wrote that note with such care and compassion, all the while trying to educate. I feel encouraged and inspired. I think that you may perceive that it did no good, you might not know. And in a sense, that's OK. Your actions may only have been the seed, and more actions may be needed from others and herself to water and provide some sunshine for that seed. So often we don't get to see what grows, but have to trust the process. Peace.

Mama Fierce said...

I admire you for having the courage to write that letter and to give it to her. Shortly after my sixth miscarriage, I saw a woman roughing up her two kids at a bus stop. All I could do was roll down the window and glare at her, when I wanted so badly to get out of my car and beat her myself. I drove away, but soon had to pull over because I was bawling so hard I couldn't see. I try to hold these people in my heart and forgive them for treating their kids that way, hoping that they'll eventually see the errors of their ways. It's one of the hardest things I do.

You did the best you could with a difficult situation. Bless you.

The Ramirez Family said...

You did the right thing. She has no idea.
My 8 year old is sick right now and trying to get a lot of attention out of it. Well we have not had much sleep and last night she decided to to be a drama queen and keep the whole house awake. I lost my patience with her and yelled at her. Afterwards I felt so bad. I knew that I had crossed the line. I am living a life without my son and I had just yelled at one of my blessings. I know we are all tried at time, but we need realize the good things we have.

Lisette said...

I think it was a good thing to write that letter. I hope one day she will realize what a blessing she has on her hands. Sometimes my son Julian gets to me but I always remind myself that I only have him for a while. We are all on borrowed time, nothing is certain so I make sure that not a day goes by that I don't show him my unconditional love.
It is pretty sad that most people just don't get it.
Take care!

brian said...

Wow...

Some never learn what's important...