Friday, March 19, 2010

Do They Know?


Ty and I just got home from eating at our local Chinese restaurant. While we were eating our appetizers of egg rolls and fried ragune a group of 3 women, a young girl about 8, and a baby not quite yet one I would assume walked in and sat a few tables over. They hadn't even sat yet and I noticed this baby staring at me. He literally did not take his eyes off me for at least 5 solid minutes before he began to gurgle and play with whatever toy had been sat in front of him. And again several more times during dinner I found this baby boy staring at me for longer than normal periods of time. And this is not something out of the ordinary. It seems like I've these kind of encounters with babies alot since loosing Bryston. Standing in lines at the grocery store or walking by a baby in a shopping cart, its like their eyes are inexplicably drawn to me, craning their delicate necks to see me.

Which leaves me wondering, do they know? Can they somehow sense that my babies are gone? What do they see when they are staring at me? What could possibly be going on inside these babies minds that leave them fascinated by me? Do they know that the site of them rips my heart to pieces? What are their mommies thinking when they look at me? Are they afraid that I'll contaminate them somehow with my misfortune? Can they see through me? Sometimes it sure feels that way. Do I wear my grief written all over my face? I don't know? I thought I was doing a good job of putting on a brave face in public but maybe I'm not doing as good of a job as I thought.

I don't get it? What am I missing here? I guess I'll never know the answers which just leaves me here tonight scratching my head with a belly full of yummy Chinese.





12 comments:

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

It's crazy that you mention this because I've often felt the same way!!! Sometimes I even feel like it's Mackenzie smiling at me through these babies. You're right though...they look at me like that too. I'm so glad that you brought it up because I thought I was crazy for even thinking it so I didn't mention it to anyone.
xo
Ashley

Lisette said...

I think they sense your tenderness. Babies have a way of having a connection with people who make them feel something warm. I think they just know how amazing you are.
Sending a big ((hug)) to you, take care.

Lisa and Jonathan said...

HMMMM! Practically the same thing happened to me the other day. I wonder?

Monica said...

This baby that I met a few weeks ago did the same thing to me. She kept staring and then she blinked and then she kept blinking at me like she wanted me to blink back and I didn't want to because babies make me nervous now but I blinked back cause I couldn't resist and then she kept doing it like it was a game. and then a week later she and her mom were sitting in front of me at church and she did that whole stare/blink thing again. Very interesting how many of u all this has happened too maybe they know our babies?

DeniFay said...

Monica's comment just made me smile!!! Maybe they do know our babies, maybe they wish they could say, hey I just saw Bryston the other day, he says heaven is the coolest, but he loves you and misses you!! Maybe, just maybe that's it! I'd like to think that anyway!

I've had this happen too and thought I was nutty, thought maybe it was just my desire to have a baby 'recognize' me!!

Sheryl said...

honestly, i don't think it's them...i think it's you. it's you taking them time to notice them, to see what a blessing they are.

when i got sick, all of a sudden i noticed everyone that was able to walk into a grocery store and run errands that they didn't even want to run...and i was jealous.

when (not if) God blesses you with a baby, you will have an apprecation that few have.

JenJen said...

I do believe that babies have a sensitivity to things/people around them. They are probably drawn to your "vibe" and maybe without knowing that you're doing it, you give them a certain loving/longing look, too.

Kristie said...

Brought tears to my eye reading this post, I wonder do they see our broken hearts... or do they see the glory of God surround us, keeping all the pieces together... we can't begin to know...

Holly said...

I'm not sure! Maybe babies are like animals and can sense things that those of us who are older can't.

Danielle said...

I've noticed babies seem to be more drawn to me since Wyatt passed away too! I've even been minding my own business and trying to avoid anything baby and had a baby reach out a grab me as I walked by... and she wouldn't let go! It was very strange. I caught myself wondering if she knew how much my heart was broken.

Jen said...

same here..always have babies stare all the time.. I am finally to a place where I can wave and smile..

The Ramirez Family said...

I was brought up believing until a baby has the ability to speak that they have the ability to communicate with God. I do not know if that is true, but I would like to believe it is. Maybe they were giving your little ones a brief glance at you. Maybe God was asking them to look kindly on you because your heart is trying to heal. Who knows, but I sure hope they can see and feel things we cannot.