The first thing I want to say tonight is that I am sorry if this post offends anyone. That is not my intention here at all. I just need to vent a bit and I hope that you all can understand where I am coming from...
I'm really struggling with pregnancy envy right now. It seems like everyone is pregnant, but me. Or, they are new moms out with their bouncing babies full of joy. It literally rips me to pieces. I should be one of them! Twice over in fact, but instead I see them coming and have to avert my gaze. Its not fair! Why can't that be me?
Please don't get me wrong here, for those of you pregnant with your rainbow babies, I am truly happy and you of all deserve these blessings. When I say that I am overjoyed with your news, I am. From the bottom of my heart, rejoicing kind of happy.
But from my neck of the woods, it just seems to me that the universe is flaunting pregnant bellies and newborns in my tear stained face. I should be 20 weeks with Peanut right now. I feel like a spoiled child here stomping my ungrateful foot yelling at God, because I know that so many of you out there don't even have the opportunity to even become pregnant and here I am 2 angels in. I should at least be grateful that I can and have been pregnant. I just wish the outcome had been different and I'm praying to God that the next one will be. Its just kind of hard having that kind of faith when I'm 2 for 2 here.
I don't want to be this bitter but I am. I miss my babies and what could and should have been. I wish I could just erase the last 7 months and have a do over. I've said it a million times and I'll say it again, this isn't fair. Not one bit. I thought I was done asking the whys but that's all that's running through my mind tonight. Why Lord, Why?
I guess that's it for tonight. Sleep tight bloggers.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Posted by The Blue Sparrow at 10:26 PM