Friday, February 5, 2010

Test Results

First and foremost THANK YOU for all the prayers! I felt nothing but calm and hopeful sitting in the waiting room this morning and playing with a very adorable 19month old little girl who was very excited that our wrist identification bracelets matched. She was too cute!

Second, your prayers and mine were heard! My test results came back all clear and normal! No spectum found! I asked my OB to explain what it was that we were looking for and why. He explained that since my last u/s showed what looked like a blood clot but could have been a spectum that he just wanted to make sure it wasn't one. Apparently a spectum in the uterus can cause stillbirths and miscarriages so that is why he wanted us to be extra careful not to conceive until we knew for sure what showed up on the u/s. If it had been a spectum, which is associated with placental abruptions, it may have caused us to loose Peanut. But it's also a quick and easy fix too if it had been. So as far as we know we lost Peanut do to a fetal heart defect and not a placental abruption like Bryston. This news comforts me to no end because it means that my odds for another abruption are still relatively low than if it had been, which would have doubled my chances of having another one. Don't get me wrong I am still at risk because of having a previous one and my genetic mutation disorder BUT my risks have not increased any either and in my book that is GREAT NEWS!!!!

The only part of the entire ordeal that made me the slightest bit uncomfortable was being led down the hall by the nurse to the examination room. Uncomfortable but not for the reasons that you'd guess. As we were walking down to the room the nurse very bluntly and a bit to loudly asked, "So, you're having trouble getting pregnant?" I said, "Um...I guess so, we had a stillborn son in July then in December we miscarried again at 10 weeks." In response she asked, again a bit too loudly, "How do you do it?" Confused I asked, "How do I do what?" She asked, "Stay so strong?" I was so caught off guard by this nurse and this conversation I nervously replied, "I don't....you just do what you have to do to get through the day." "Oh, I bet," she said. This nurse was very very nice and helpful I guess I'm just still not use to talking about my dead babies when it's not through the computer screen, ya know? Were at that point now where so few people bring it up to me outside the blog community anymore that when it happens, I guess I'm a little tongue tied and at a lack of words. On here, I can take time with what I'm saying and think about it before I put it down, even edit what I say, but in person I never seem to get out what I want to say the way that I want to say it. What I should have said to her was, "Thank you, but every day is different. Today I might be strong but tomorrows a whole different story. Each miscarriage I've had has elicited a different emotional response from me. I handle Bryston's in a whole new way from Peanuts. It's hard and sometimes too much but I wouldn't take it back, even for a second, because I cherish every single second that I did have with them, so I guess that's how I get through the days." Oh, well its not like I gave her a wrong answer I just wish I had said it better.

Either way, it was a good day so again THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the prayers and support! We are free and clear to start TTC so please keep up those prayers!





21 comments:

Brandi said...

That is wonderful! :) So glad you got good news. Good luck! *wink* You'll be in my prayers.

Franchesca Cox said...

Jennifer I am SO happy to hear the good news!!! I know what you mean about being caught off guard with people IRL when talking about our loss(es). That was awfully sweet of her to be considerate to think of your history and not just another patient.

xx

Praying!!!

Nan & Mike said...

YAY!!! So happy to hear positive news for you! I wish you the best of luck and lots of baby dust while TTC again. Prayers and hugs, Nan xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Jess said...

So glad you got such good news, praying for you and your next rainbow!!

Danielle said...

Whew! I am so happy your appointment went so well. Thank you Lord.

I'm sorry the nurse was so loud about such a sensitive matter. People just don't understand.

I will continue to pray for you :) (((Hugs)))

wife.mom.nurse said...

This is great news. I know it is such a relief for you.
I do wish that health care professionals all had training to be sensitive with what they say. So many do not get educated about bereavement. That must have been so tough for you.

I know that support often falls away at this point following the loss of your baby. I am glad you have this forum to share and feel supported.

~Julie

Jenn said...

Wonderful news, Jennifer!

Emily said...

That's good news! Time to start doing the Baby Dance - we'll be praying for your BFP! ((hugs))

Dana said...

So happy for your great news, Jennifer!! I will continue to pray for you and hopefully a little one soon. (((hugs)))

Tiffany said...

I will keep up the prayers for you! Glad to hear that you got the all clear to TTC.
Sending blessings your way.

James Patrick said...

YEAH! for Clear test results!! So happy for you and that God calmed your nerves during the testing

withoutmypunkin said...

What wonderful news! Good luck TTC!!!

Andrea said...

Jennifer,

Such wonderful news! Thanks for posting and being so honest, as I am going to be doing some testing and am so anxious. I suppose one half of me wants to know if something is wrong and the other half doesn't...but we persevere :)

Glad you had a kind nurse...maybe a little intrusive, but at least she cared enough about you to talk about it. I had a nurse once that calmed my fears by telling me she lost her 1st child too...we both cried.

Best of luck in TTC...I'd love nothing more than to see a + sign with you :)

HUGS

Akul's mama said...

So many people tell me the same thing "how do you do it" You are strong" "I am so humbled by your strength" - well I wonder"did I have a choice?" I have no choice but to bear this cross of being a dead baby's mom...and I know no one wants to walk in my shoes or yours. Hugssssss mommy to an angel. You are a beautiful mom.

Ebe said...

This is wonderful news! I am so happy and excited for you. It is a scary time, too, I know. Praying for you.

love,
ebe

klarsen said...

Jennifer,

I just came across you blog today. I am so sorry for your losses of both Bryston and Peanut. I too lost 2 babies in 2009. My daughter Hannah at 18w4d on Sept 21 and our Rainbow baby at around 7 weeks on Dec 28. The Lord gives us the strength we need. You are in my prayers.

With love,
Katy
hannahshonor.blogspot.com

Bonnelle Pagel said...

I still have troubles coming up with the right words to say IN the moment. So many times I don't want to even say anything about losing a child because (selfishly) I don't want people to feel sorry for me... I pray the next time will be easier for both of us!

I will begin today to pray.

Love you dear friend.

Holly said...

I am so glad the results were good!! Yay!!! It is more difficult when you are talking IRL, especially when you're kinda caught off guard. I find it much easier to write things out.

Monica said...

I can so relate to not being able to think of what to say in person, sometimes I can't even think of what to way in writing but you did an awesome job of explaining what it's like.

Brie said...

I'm glad you didn't have a septum. I was just diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus and will go through with the re-unification surgery shortly..I too lost two babies, one at 6 months and another at 9 weeks..I look forward to reading your blog as I just stumbled upon it today. I am very sorry for your losses..and reading what you have written sounds like the words from my mouth.

Sweetness said...

I am so happy that you were given the positive news. My heart goes out to you & my prayers are with you.