Test Results

First and foremost THANK YOU for all the prayers! I felt nothing but calm and hopeful sitting in the waiting room this morning and playing with a very adorable 19month old little girl who was very excited that our wrist identification bracelets matched. She was too cute!

Second, your prayers and mine were heard! My test results came back all clear and normal! No spectum found! I asked my OB to explain what it was that we were looking for and why. He explained that since my last u/s showed what looked like a blood clot but could have been a spectum that he just wanted to make sure it wasn't one. Apparently a spectum in the uterus can cause stillbirths and miscarriages so that is why he wanted us to be extra careful not to conceive until we knew for sure what showed up on the u/s. If it had been a spectum, which is associated with placental abruptions, it may have caused us to loose Peanut. But it's also a quick and easy fix too if it had been. So as far as we know we lost Peanut do to a fetal heart defect and not a placental abruption like Bryston. This news comforts me to no end because it means that my odds for another abruption are still relatively low than if it had been, which would have doubled my chances of having another one. Don't get me wrong I am still at risk because of having a previous one and my genetic mutation disorder BUT my risks have not increased any either and in my book that is GREAT NEWS!!!!

The only part of the entire ordeal that made me the slightest bit uncomfortable was being led down the hall by the nurse to the examination room. Uncomfortable but not for the reasons that you'd guess. As we were walking down to the room the nurse very bluntly and a bit to loudly asked, "So, you're having trouble getting pregnant?" I said, "Um...I guess so, we had a stillborn son in July then in December we miscarried again at 10 weeks." In response she asked, again a bit too loudly, "How do you do it?" Confused I asked, "How do I do what?" She asked, "Stay so strong?" I was so caught off guard by this nurse and this conversation I nervously replied, "I don't....you just do what you have to do to get through the day." "Oh, I bet," she said. This nurse was very very nice and helpful I guess I'm just still not use to talking about my dead babies when it's not through the computer screen, ya know? Were at that point now where so few people bring it up to me outside the blog community anymore that when it happens, I guess I'm a little tongue tied and at a lack of words. On here, I can take time with what I'm saying and think about it before I put it down, even edit what I say, but in person I never seem to get out what I want to say the way that I want to say it. What I should have said to her was, "Thank you, but every day is different. Today I might be strong but tomorrows a whole different story. Each miscarriage I've had has elicited a different emotional response from me. I handle Bryston's in a whole new way from Peanuts. It's hard and sometimes too much but I wouldn't take it back, even for a second, because I cherish every single second that I did have with them, so I guess that's how I get through the days." Oh, well its not like I gave her a wrong answer I just wish I had said it better.

Either way, it was a good day so again THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the prayers and support! We are free and clear to start TTC so please keep up those prayers!